In Part 3 I would like to discuss what we call at Dragon Tamers as the “Line of Responsibility”. The line is the point where one can see that responsibility of one person ends and the other begins. If you have not already done so, please do a search for the first two parts titled “She Blamed What on his Mother? Part 1 of 3” and “She Blamed What on his Mother? Part 2 of 3” and give them a read. This will assist in understanding the context of part 3.
One of the topics that cause great amounts of misery for people is that they do not know when they should be dropping responsibility and also when they should be picking it up. As we discussed in parts one and two, Jane’s was distressed over the accusation that is was her fault that her adult son of 30 years with 3 children never held a real job, did not continue his education after high school in any format, and still live at home with her and her husband. In part 2 I asked readers to post comments on their opinion as what Jane should do. As those come in, I would like continue and discuss at what point is Jane and her husband no longer responsible.
The Law states that a child reaches the age of consent at 18. They are granted or gifted the privilege (called a right) to vote, legal status of choice in their life, but with the exception of the requirement to register for selective service, the law does not really require much in the way of responsibility. That is the funny thing about that age, all legal responsibility is completely conditional, and in some cases optional for 18 year old adults. Do not down play the importance of these as environmental factors for the adult children. As many parents can testify, some adult children focus on their “rights” and have been for years. More than one parent in this situation had to deal with their 16 year old dropping out of school because the law allows it, only to spend the next two years parked in front of the TV because the law also placed the responsibility for the child’s wellbeing and actions on the shoulders of the parent.
In the real world a Parent feels responsible to “raise and guide” our children all of their lives. However parents for both their sake and happiness and that of their children need to learn to let go. Children as they grow in most cases will naturally take on responsibility for themselves, which of course makes it easier and natural for parents to find the Line of Responsibility. However in this modern world, people, including children receive a large amount of data. Much of this is marketing propaganda about being in touch with one’s feelings (people who embrace their feelings are much more likely to impulse buy) and political propaganda that claims that one is not responsible for their own lives. These are in fact powerful factors of the environment that children perceive.
To really understand the Line of Responsibility one must understand Freewill. We all have heard of it, yet most responsible people fail to acknowledge it. Every person has freewill, and at the age of 16 we start to legally grant children the privilege to exercise free will. The Line of Responsibility goes hand in hand with Freewill. See the Line of Responsibility is drawn at the same place in a person’s life that they obtain the right to exercise Freewill. After all is not an exercise of Freewill when an Adult Child makes the choice not move forward in life?
This ends part 3. I invite everyone to visit us at http://www.dragontamers.com for more details and discussions. I and our readers would love to hear your comments and stories on this topic. See you there!